I was thinking that I had started to gain back my confidence enough to get out there and strut my stuff again. You know the saying fake it until you make it. I thought I was doing pretty well...got a new job, wearing make-up to help me feel adequate enough to walk among the human race. But just a mere 24 hours changed it all for me. At the time I thought I was okay but I guess it upset me more than I thought it had.
My husband is an active alcoholic. So in essence the only thing he cares about is getting drunk. When visiting him recently, I am ashamed to say that he couldn't even stay sober for 1 day. How do I explain this to a three year old who adores her Daddy? It is incredibly tough trying to be positive in a situation like this. I know, I know, it's not the person it is their addiction. But I just want to be mad; I want to yell; I want to swear and curse someone out. (can't I have at least that)
It is discouraging to know my husband is missing out on so much with our daughter as she grows up. After you have children you loose your identity as a wonderful, beautiful, confident, independent woman and become Mommy taking care of everything and everyone before yourself. I've taken on this burden too. They say, 'let go and let God.' All I can do now is pray on it. And maybe some shoe therapy too ; )
This is for all those families affected by alcoholism. And to all those who have had the courage get sober.
You are an amazing, gorgeous, and strong woman, and I'm blessed to know you. I know what you're going through is unbelievably rough, but you have a lot of people who love you and will see you through this. Let go and let God, you're right! That doesn't mean you can't curse and swear and vent...you're feeling what you're feeling, you have to vent! Just keep breathing and taking good care of yourself, that's the most important thing. Children are resilient, so your daughter will make it through, especially with a great mother like you by her side.
ReplyDeleteNow get out there and strut your stuff girl! You're amazing, and don't let yourself or anyone tell you any differently!
Chrissy